Those most in need of pastoral care are also often those who cannot access the excellent work being done by congregations in using technology for keeping in touch as a substitute for face to face gathering. It’s a quandary.
Telephone call: Next best thing to house call
How might we respond? However inadequate it might feel, perhaps pastoral care by telephone is still the best option for many. In terms of touchpoints it probably figures second only to personal contact. Newer electronic means of staying in touch can sometimes feel clunky in terms of interaction, frustrating those who aren’t familiar with using them.
Connecting through pastoral phone ministry
So how might we prepare for a different season of pastoral care on the phone?
1. Gather contact details and fill in the gaps
Your congregation, Kirk Session or pastoral care team might already have a lot of telephone numbers for those under their care. But what about filling in the gaps? For someone you don’t have a number for, is there somebody else you could ring or Facebook and ask to obtain it with their permission? A friend, neighbour, member of the wider family circle? Begin by building up your directory. This could be a coordinated task particular members could give themselves to in this period.
2. Arrange a rota for phone calls
There may be members of the congregation other than staff, elders or the pastoral care team who would be prepared to get involved in providing pastoral care by phone. Many people want to do something to help in the present crisis. So, encourage others to volunteer. What about buddying up some younger people with senior members?
You might want to prioritise extra phone calls to those who are on their own, have underlying health conditions, or other particular pastoral issues of which you are aware. Set a schedule of phoning that you feel you can maintain and won’t create an expectation that you might later find unable to meet.
3. Give a framework for a pastoral care call
Don’t just ask people to make telephone contact, help them to consider the content of a good pastoral care call. Perhaps this follows the pattern of the These three remain… values of faith, hope and love (1 Corinthians 13:13). Starting with ‘the greatest of these’, love, then working back towards faith.
Love
Remember, your call will come out of the blue to the person on the other end of the phone. It might sound obvious, but make sure you introduce yourself, give time for them to recognise who they are speaking to and ask if it is a good time to talk.
Begin by asking, ‘what is life like for you at the moment’? Listen not just for what is being said, but for how they say it. Sometimes that reveals so much more.
Ask, ‘in what ways are you finding it difficult to do what needs to be done during this period of lockdown?’ That is a softer, more open way in to identifying needs than, ‘how can I help you?’ You can always follow up with that question, remembering that current regulations about house to house visiting might mean you can’t always help in the way others might want. However, for the moment, there are lots of things we can still do for the most vulnerable and isolated. Shopping, picking up medication and other simple things can be a lifeline.
Leave lots of time to listen. You may be the only person this person will speak to that day, maybe even that week. Resist the temptation to do all the talking or take control of the conversation. Stay engaged with what the person you are calling is saying. Show love by giving the gift of attention and time.
Hope
There is enough doom and gloom, bad news and dire predictions circling at the minute. If the person you are phoning is on their own at home and can’t get out at the moment, chances are they are watching and listening to that all day on the news. So, do them a favour. Don’t go on about how awful things are. If that is the mood you find yourself in, don’t make the call until you have something more positive to say.
Remember many people are anxious and others suffer from mental health issues that make life doubly tough at a time like this. There is enough hype. This is a time for spreading hope.
Faith
A pastoral call worthy of the name involves faith conversation. Think about a few simple verses from the Bible you can offer to read. Nothing too long. Something on which you can make a short comment. Ask what in particular you can pray for them. Then pray. Keep it short, simple and tailored to what you know of where this person is on their journey of faith – still searching, new believer, long time follower of Jesus.
Our Mizpah moment
This is a difficult season for those most in need of pastoral attention and churches who feel restricted in giving it. But it is also a time when little things will mean a lot. When social distancing has made us feel bereft of the ability to be physically present to care pastorally for those most in need, it is worth remembering Laban’s prayer for Jacob at Mizpah in Genesis 31:49, ‘May the LORD keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other’. Ultimately, we humbly take our place as mere under shepherds of Jesus, that Great Shepherd of the sheep (Hebrews 13:20).
So, commit others to him in prayer… and then get on the phone.
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For frameworks for using the Bible in pastoral care that could be helpful in a telephone call, see this resource available for free download here on the PCI website.